Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Koko's Last Days?

Yesterday Koko seemed to be in intense pain, her back hunched as she walked - slow and gingerly. Hazel gave her some meds we had at home and that handled the pain and Koke was moving normally. She has had events like this in the past and after a few days she improved.

This morning, however, she was in pain again. More meds and this time, a visit to the vet. He gave us more medications for her and she is pretty dopey right now. He also told us that when she couldn't stand up, it was time to put her to sleep. We have seen her have moments when she had to struggle a little to stand, much like older large dogs do.

What is especially ominous is the vets comment. It was similar in tone to that given when he gave Brue only days to live. Brue had to be put down only two days later. He has seen this play out numerous times. Maybe I am fooling myself to think she has time yet but I'm also not so sure she will improve this time.

It is hard to contemplate putting her down. She is alert, not experiencing dog dementia (that we know) and has become more trusting and close to us as she has aged. Yet I remind myself of our neighbor that died of cancer. The intense pain he experienced in his last weeks and days. I hope to never experience that pain and suffering - I hope I have the option of physician assisted suicide should it come to that.

Living our final moments in agony is not living, it is torture and I'll not torture Koko.

Now, Koko says to me to not be too hasty to put her down. She plans to recover (she has before) and outlive me. She just might.

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